HW 35

    “…No one counts until they’re dead…” (Closed Captioned. Fugazi. End Hits.  Dischord. 1998) Life, death it’s all one big mystery to us.  People say that we are here on this planet to find our purpose in life and to make something of our lives and we use this as an excuse for our actions.  But I really don’t think that’s the reason anymore, I think we don’t know what to do so we follow whatever seems logical for what fits us.  We use the maps we are given to help guide us to what we believe our destinations should be.    This starts the beginning of building our own subway line and the beginning of our own games of Jenga.    In actuality though they are not our own they are just a version of someone else’s and in the early days of our lives we don’t think twice about it.  However as we grow and develop we begin to question our existence more than we did when we were babies and toddlers.  We start to see that in order to have meaning or purpose in life we must proof ourselves to our audiences so we give ourselves the label of being an individual.  We try to stand out from the crowd and be recognized.  At the end of it all though how can one person stand out when everyone is doing the same exact thing?  We then begin to realize that maybe the life we have been leading is wasting our time on this planet because we are not being true to ourselves.  If deep down we know there is no true self then what are we doing?  How can we change ourselves so drastically if we have lived our whole lives up to this point a certain way?  This is when life and death gets a lot more confusing than we ever realized.  Cool changes as frequently as people change, making it a never-ending game.  We are aware that no one will ever win; yet we continue to play it. 

            In this day and age social networking and the Internet seem to play a huge role in the obsession of being cool.  More specifically the website Facebook, practically all of the teens I know are members and use the website daily.  It is a way to stay up to date with your audience, your peers, your “friends” or whatever you want to call it.  I came to the conclusion that you basically have multiple worlds that you experience each day.  Your school world, your family world and your cyber space world.  The difference between the three is that your school and family world is given to you, you don’t have a choice about whom you surround yourself with.  However with the cyber space world you can select and create a “perfect” world, you can be surrounded with whomever you want and the decisions are up to you.  In 9^th grade whenever I would meet someone I would most likely friend them on Facebook so that I could be opened to their door and they could be opened to mine.  I regret being so up front with my friend requests because if by any chance I run into one of my Facebook “friends” it becomes awkward because I don’t really know them yet I have full access to observing their life and vise versa.  About a month ago one of my classmates Russell posted this really interesting article on Facebook: http://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/21/do-you-spend-too-much-time-on-facebook/ After reading it I was so blown away by the truth of the article I decided to deactivate my own Facebook.  Something that struck me to be so bizarre was while I was going through the steps of deactivating it, it seemed as if Facebook was trying to convince me not to.  It showed pictures of my Facebook friends and myself and kept repeating the sentence " _______ will miss you".  As if once you are not friends with someone on Facebook you just are not friends in general anymore.  Then I had to click on exactly why I was leaving the Facebook Network and for each option they had an excuse of how to possibly still be a member but not leave.  Essentially though I deactivated it for maybe 3 or 4 days.  I felt so much happier and I felt like I had a lot more time but I didn't know what to do.  I was so used to this routine of constantly staying updated with others and Facebook stalking people I didn’t even know!  I wasted hours looking at pictures of people I was never going to really have a real friendship with, and in some cases envy them!  The whole idea of this website was disturbing and a complete waste of time.  After deactivating it I came to realize I never sat down and took time to care about myself.   Unfortunately though Facebook is like a drug once you become addicted it’s hard to quit, and I couldn’t live without it so I’m right back on it.  I wish I could function without it but I felt so detached from this world I had created, and the thought of knowing things are still going on even after I am gone scares me.  We use Facebook as a way to constantly stay updated on what’s in and what’s out, I guess the only solution is if Facebook was just deleted in general, the chances of that happening though are very slim.   Facebook is just one aspect of the game we play. 

            Something that you could say is cool right now is tattoos, I personally do not see the point in them but maybe I am just out of the loop for this aspect.  I interviewed one of my friends who already has a tattoo and I thought her response was very typical but at the same time intriguing. I asked her why she decided to get a tattoo and she said: For my mom because she has lupus and the butterfly is the symbol for it. I asked if she thought it had a strong message and added more to her as a person, she said: Yes it does, it represents the support and love I have for my mother. Plus I designed it so no one else in the world has the same one. Which adds to my individuality.  Although I think her message is very symbolic and meaningful, why does she need to stamp it on herself for the rest of her life? Yes it makes her a little bit different than the next person but think about how many people get tattoos a day. Regardless of their possible differences there is not just one person in the world with a tattoo. I think it definitely adds to the arch type she decides to live her life as. Something I notice about Ariel is that since she has got her tattoo she usually wears clothing that allows on lookers to see it. It is essentially adding a spotlight to that one part of her body to give her ultimate attention. As people we find ourselves as curious thinkers, making a statement like this intrigues people to ask questions. So is it really about the message or the attention you might get for that one moment in time? I think the message gives the tattoo a better purpose it adds meaning and gives us the illusion that is significant. I saw the tattoo that Miley Cyrus decided to get: http://assets.heavy.com/post_assets/2009/12/1013/1260471450_miley-cyrus-tattoo-picture.jpg I mean I understand that her friend died from Cystic Fibrosis but with all the money she is earning wouldn't it be more helpful to donate to the organization verses basically advertising them?  Its worse than wearing a shirt with a logo every time she goes swimming she will be a swimming, sun bathing, walking billboard.  That tattoo is going to be stamped on her for the rest of her life!  It doesn't make her a hero or a better person it makes her look like she needs attention.  The attention of her tattoo takes away from why she really got and makes people question her even more.  In a couple of years the fad of tattoos will go out of style and all of these people will be stuck in the mud.

            We use “happiness” as a way to escape reality, this than allows us to forget our suffering for that moment. By doing this we distract ourselves for what we all know is coming next. I think this universe and this world is just like the game Jenga. For those who have never heard of this it is the game it is where you have a tower of wood blocks and you have to pull ones from the bottom out one by one and keep stacking them on top of each other. If the tower falls the game is over. Just like Jenga I think humans represent the wooden blocks and the tower represents the world. We are all here together for that brief moment in time and although we hate to admit it we all need each other to survive. Every move we make and every moment we live has an affect on the other 6,706,993,152 people on this planet. Just like in the game we try to move forward to get closer and closer to the top of things. While doing this though sometimes we suffer and loose loved ones, family members friends. This than makes us feel incomplete and we loose our sense of “happiness”. For just like our lifespan is brief so is our happiness.  Initially I thought that when the tower fell it meant your life was over but now I almost feel as though when the tower falls it is reality screaming at you and telling you to make a change. It is as if it is a warning that however you are living isn’t right and to get your act together.  But what is right?  Most people wont ever really know.  In The Death of Ivan Ilych there was a line in the beginning of the story that caught my attention when he had passed and people were at his wake.  “The expression on the face said that what was necessary had been accomplished, and accomplished rightly.  Besides this there was in that expression a reproach and a warning to the living.” (Page 97)  Essentially I think Ivan at the end of his life came to realize the mistake he had made.  I think the accomplishment was closure to meaning.  Maybe as we become closer to death we realize our waste of energy and time on things that have no significance.  Maybe the look on Ivan’s face is suppose to help guide the living since we still have time to make a change. 

            I think as humans we are constantly concerned about what happens next because we follow the direction and context of our scripts.  We hardly ever have time to live in the moment because we are constantly preparing for our next scene. In all honesty I have no idea what my main destinations are and goals are at this point.  I want to be able to see the whole world though because I think that when you stay trapped inside a bubble you have no idea what’s going on outside.  I think people are fascinating and there are really so many different kinds of people out there.  That are all equally as interesting and all have different stories.  I don’t think one person is better than another because we are all just as confused as the next person.  There are however people out there who are a little less confused because they have less distraction and more time to be thankful.  In 7th grade I went to an island called Elthura in the Bahamas.  I remember driving and looking out the window seeing tin shacks, those were people’s homes.  I think seeing something like that makes you understand how fortunate you really are.  Although maybe their homes were not mansions and they didn’t have expensive cars everyone on the island seemed so much happier than anyone I had ever met.  They didn’t feel as though they had nothing because they were aware that they had something and I think that is meaning.  This kind of meaning is not something you can buy and I think that’s what confuses us the most.    I think unfortunately though we are far more concerned about appearance more than anything else.  In the Frontline episode they talked about the Mook and the Midriff characters, it basically describes a superficial male and a superficial female.  We buy everything that fits these characters and put on a certain role to fulfill these characters.  We waste hour after hour on being someone who practically funds this concept of cool but at the end we feel so empty.  The answers we search so hard to find come so much easier to those who are not wasting all of this time. 

            All of these small components make up the concept of coolness.  They fuel the drive and momentum to be something none of us are.  We are all just performers in the end it feels as if there is something up their mocking us all and laughing at the fact that we can be so oblivious to our obvious mistakes.  We are so puzzled and so confused about what is true and what is false.  I am almost sure the answer is right in front of us but distraction takes over to the point where we don’t have time to pick up on it.  I’m tired of wasting my life because I know that I am, I wish there was a way to change my life but unfortunately I have a feeling its too late.  We have become brain washed by something out there and there is no turning back.  So maybe we don’t have a choice of the game we are playing and we are well aware there is no winner because in the end we will all be gone and it will be as if we were never even here.