Friday, November 6, 2009

Comments on Drafts

Hi Mohammed,

FIrst of all if its possible try to organize this so its easier to read because I can't really understand it fully in the way you organized it. I really only noticed one solid quote so it would probably be helpful to look up more evidence online. I think the second thesis is better and more powerful. I feel like you kept repeating yourself with a lot of the arguments and you may need to rethink your arguments so that you have multiply ideas. Post a revised draft if you have one so that I can comment it.

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