Hi Hannah,
I broke down the comments so that there are suggestions for each part of your paper.
I like your EQ, as for your thesis maybe you could say: The Digital World defines reality off of stimulation's and representations from technology.
Argument One: I think the way you related it to yourself is actually quite interesting. Maybe you can explain exactly what you do instead of using technology. I think that would show the reader the endless possibilities of alternatives. In reality what you are saying is quite true to most teens, we are absorbed with the gadgets.
Argument Two: I feel like your Argument One and Argument Two are very similar. You discuss how it is a way to keep in touch. Maybe you can elaborate your Argument Two more with strong evidence of it besides what your Mom said.
Argument Three: I find this very interesting, I don't have my notes in front of me but I know that Andy talked a great deal about this idea. Maybe you can try to interview someone who lives in the country and compare it to a city kid. I have a feeling that the results would be very different.
Conclusion: Make sure it connects back to whatever your thesis ends up being.
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